Friday, November 28, 2008

Life According to the Chinese

Why are you working so hard?

On the very first day of the world, God created the cow.He said to the cow: "Ah Gu (cow), today I have created you! Your job is togo to the field with the farmer all day long.You will provide the energy topull things! You will also provide milk for people to drink! You are to workall day under the sun! In return, you will only eat grass. For that, youwill have a life span of 50 years." Ah Gu objected. "What.. I work all dayin the sun and I get only to eat grass! On top of that, I have to give mymilkaway! This is tough and you want me to live 50 years! I'll take 20 and youcan have the remaining 30 years back!" God agreed.

On the next day, God created the dog. He said to the dog. "Ah Kow (dog), Ihave created you for a purpose. You are to sit all day by the door of yourmaster's house! Should anyone come in, you are to bark at them! In return,you will eat your master's leftovers. I'll give you a life span of 20years." Ah Kow objected. " What! I have to sit by the door all day and willneed to bark at people, and what do I get...LEFTOVERS...This isn't right,I'll take 10 and you can have the remaining10 years back!" God agreed again.

On the third day, God created the monkey. He said to the monkey. "Lao Kao(monkey), your job is to entertain people.You will make them laugh, actstupid and make faces!You will also do somersaults and swing on trees toamaze them. In return, you will get to eat bananas and peanuts.For that,I'll give you 20 years to live." Naturally the monkey objected. "This isridiculous,I gotta make faces and make people laugh let not even cometo thepart about the trees and somersaults. Tell you what, I'll give10 years ofmy life to thank you for my existence and I'll take 10.What do youthink?"God agreed again.

On the forth day, God created humans. God said to the man. "You are my bestpiece of work, for that, you will only need to sleep,eat, sleep, play, eat,sleep again and do nothing else.You will get to eat all the best things andplay with the best toys. All you need to do is enjoy all your life.For thiskinda of life, I'll give you 20 years."Just like the rest, the manobjected."What, all I need to do is relax and enjoy myself and I haveonly 20years to live? Tell you what, you've 30 years back from Ah Gu, 10 yearsfromAh Kow and another 10 from Lao Kao and you probably don't know what todo with all those lifes. Why not I take them all and I'll have 70 years tolive?"God being such good natured, agreed with a smile.....


And THAT IS WHY..... We eat, sleep, play and enjoy for the first 20 years ofour lives when we are growing up. Work like a cow for the next 30 to raiseour family. Sit outside the door and bark at people for the next 10 when weare retired.And finally, we make faces and perform monkey tricks toentertain our grandchildren for the final 10 years.GET IT !
Thursday, November 27, 2008

Marriage Life Before & After


Before marriage.
Darling here.. Darling there...
After marriage.
Baling here... Baling there..

Before marriage.
I die for you. . .
After marriage.
"You die, up to you. "
Lagi lama married.
You die I help you!


Before marriage.
You go anywhere. . I follow you.
After marriage. .
You go anywhere. . Up to you .
Lagi lama married.
You go anywhere better get lost!!

Before wedding
You are my heart, you are my love"
After wedding
you get on my nerves. "

Before wedding
"you are sweet and kind just like Cinderella"
After wedding
you are worse than godzila"

Before wedding
Roses are red, violets are blue. Like it or not, I'm stuck with you
After wedding
Roses are dead, I am blue. You get on my head, I will sue you

Before wedding
Every dinner, he brings you to Shangri-La
After wedding
You want to go, he says you wait-la


Before wedding
She looks like Anita Sarawak
After wedding
Don't know whether katak or biawak
One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary!!!

Dear Bo$$,


In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.


I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.


Your$ $incerely,

Marian $hih



The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply:


Dear Marian,


I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.


NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.


I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.


Yours truly,
Manager
Satu hari seorang nyonya first time datang KL.
Lepas kena loteri, dia check-in hotel mewah.
Dia diiringi pelayan (BellBoy) ke bilik penginapannya.
Apabila pelayan menutup pintu, nyonya melihat sekelilingnya. Tiba tiba nyonya menjadi marah lalu berkata....
" Sekius mi, lu ingat wa tua, mali kampong, tada tau duduk hotel? Lu kasi ini bilik ka? Kicik! Tada TB, tada lemari, katil titun pun tada! Haiya mau tipu olang kah?"
Pelayan itu pun menjawab........


'Sabar lah nyonya...., ini baru LIFT!!!!!!!'


Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Human = Pigs + work + enjoy

if, Human - enjoy = Pigs + work in other words,



Human that don't know how to enjoy = pigs that work

Men = eat + sleep + earn money

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money

if Men - earn money = Pigs in other words,


Men that don't earn money = Pigs

Women = eat + sleep + spend

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Women = Pigs + spend

if, Women - spend = Pigs In other words,

Women that don't spend = Pigs




Summary: Men earn money not to let women become pigs! Women spend not to let men become pigs!


Men + Women = 2 Pigs


Wish all the pigs happy forever.
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!

Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller : I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.

Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller : Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)has involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one)got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.

Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator : I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).

Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!
Saturday, November 22, 2008

Meaning of Sleeping & Kisses




Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Doctor's last word !!!‏

A 20-yr old pretty, sexy and sensual girl went to see a Psychiatrist.

Girl: Doctor, I'm so angry at my boyfriend that I must call him Bastard. I feel that he's gone too far, and he deserves it.

Doc: Hmm? Such a word is strong and rude. But may be you have your own reasons. Tell me about it so that I can help you.

Girl: Yes, thank you, Doctor. There was one night...we parked our car besides the beach and we were alone... and... he held my hand....

Doc: Did he hold your hand like this?

Girl: Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're holding it now

Doc: If it's only this, he doesn't deserve to be called Bastard. It means he doesn't want to be separated from you.

Girl: Then, he leaned his body towards me... and hugged me...

Doc: Like this?

Girl: Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're doing.

Doc: It's not a Bastard. It means he wanna stay forever by your side

Girl: Then he kissed me..

Doc: Like this?

Girl: Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're kissing me.

Doc: If its only a kiss like this, seriously you can't call him Bastard. It means he adores you.

Girl: Then he put his hands inside my clothes and touched my boobs, Doc...

Doc: Like this?

Girl: Yes, Doctor... exactly like that

Doc: It's not behavior of a bastard. It means he wants to protect you.

Girl: Then he took off all my clothes... slowly...

Doc: Did you resist?

Girl: No. I let him do it, coz I love him...

Doc: Did he take off your clothes like this?

Girl: Yes, Doctor. Until I'm completely naked like now......

Doc: He still doesn't deserve to be called Bastard, because it means he wanna learn about your body completely.

Girl: Then he kissed me and put his.... inside me and had sex with me...

Doc: Did he do it just like what we do?

Girl: Yes, Doctor. Exactly the same

Doc: You still can't call him Bastard. It means he needs you.

Girl: But then he told me that he has AIDS. . . . . . . . .


All the staff and patients outside heard the doctor screaming,

BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRD ! ! !
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